


Cigarette Kisses

by MissusLlama98



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: F/M, Funny, Gay, M/M, Romance, Yaoi, minor characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 03:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissusLlama98/pseuds/MissusLlama98
Summary: People, and by people I mean the testosterone driven male countries I unfortunately happen to work with, assume that just because I am a small country (and I'm a girl) that I cannot kick butt at World Meetings...This is not true, I am Czechia, The Czech Republic, daughter of the Great Bohemian Empire...and damn gurl, I kick ass fine on my own.At least that's what I thought...until Belgium tried to set me up with her brother.





	Cigarette Kisses

“Dude, I think the World Conference can now convene!! Solving the world’s problems by talking excessively! No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo -ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for real action!! Now-”

Czech sighed as she leant her elbows against the large table, attempting to drown out the annoying sound that was America’s voice, longing to be outside in the wild Swiss mountains, taking a walk in the cold and talking to the birds. Her disdain at being forced to attend the meeting, and socialise with the other nations, was evident because of the large purple cloud that loomed over her head as she glared across the table.

As per every World Conference the countries tried to hold, a loud din of raised voices and a mixture of French, Slavic, English, American and Eastern accents all merged into one another. As per usual, Czech regretted not setting any pranks for the other countries, but she was an adult nation, she needed to be more mature. Speaking of mature, next to her, her brother, Slovakia had his head against the table and was drooling as he snored.

 _Honestly there is absolutely no point to these meetings,_ she thought as chairs started being thrown across the room and the loud voices become almost ultrasonic in their volume.

“Russia, why don’t you say something?”

“Spain, Russia never gets involved unless it’s on the subject of world domination.” Said the female nation, stabbing the table with the tip of her pen. When the large nation gave her a hurt look she scowled back at him.

“No, I don’t, Czech Republic. Why are you so cruel to me? You should come back to my house and live with me, Lithuania, Latvia, Ukraine and Belarus. You had such fun during the Cold War.”

The country rolled her grey eyes and scoffed. “Hardly, Lithuania doesn’t even live with you anymore you giant idiot! Not to mention the Soviet Union is finished, so all the rest of them have moved out as well, and I wouldn’t ever fucking join your household especially with your sisters,” she said, warily eyeing Belarus who stood behind her brother’s chair, glaring menacingly at Czech.

“Russia, I’ve warned you once, I’ve warned you a thousand times, if you get any closer to Lithuania I’ll have to make a stand with you. As for Czechia, while she is a bit of a mess of a country, she has, like, me to protect her!”

Her glare turned onto Poland and the small country jumped onto the table, kicking Slovakia in the head, causing the sleeping country to start and fall off his chair, and smacked the blonde, pompous country around the head. “I’m a mess? You’re an incompetent idiot, Poland!” She yelled as she dived at him.

The friends began tousling on the floor, joining the chaos as the level of noise increased yet again. England and America were harassing France, Russia was terrorising the countries of his household with a sweet smile, Greece was sleeping in his chair while Slovakia tried to pull his sister off Poland and Spain playfully teased countries like Romano.

Finally, Germany had had it. He shot out of his chair and slammed his hands on the table, yelling at the top of his lungs, “EVERYONE SHUT UP!”

The room silenced as the imposing figure of the blonde country continued yelling. England stopped throttling the French frog, Belarus held Czech in a headlock, China and Japan paused in mid-chopstick-duel, Russia was hugging a terrified Latvia and Lithuania round their shoulders and America was standing on the table.

“We organise these meetings to discuss the world’s problems! Not to fight and squabble over the problems of our past, and since none of you are competent enough to run a meeting, we will follow my rules and my plan! Now if you have something to say then politely raise your hand, but not in the way that mocks the prior salutes of my countries past which both Czech and Slovakia seemed to appreciate doing at the last meeting,” he said shooting a glare at the twin nations the male smirked and waved, whilst the female made a “tch” and crossed her arms.

Germany rolled his eyes and continued as a single, solitary hand was raised in the air. He pointed and bellowed, “Germany recognises his friend Italy!”

The chaotic room held its breath as Italy stood, his curling rising with him, confident and a wide smile on his face. He raised his hand and beamed at all the countries. His voice was loud as he proclaimed, much to the disappointment of everyone, “PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

Crickets chirruped as the white-flag-waving country smiled at his fellow nations, before the chaos of before descended again…much to the annoyance of Germany who began to join in the yelling, throttling his small friend’s throat.

“ITALY, YOU HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY SOMETHING OF USE AND YOU FAILED!!”

Italy pulled out a white flag and began manically waving it at Germany, screaming some mumbo-jumbo about tomatoes and pasta. Romano’s voice could be heard yelling at Spain, and it was in this moment of chaos that an amused chuckle sounded and Netherlands leant against the doorframe, puffing away on his pipe.

“Sorry, I’m late. What did I miss?”

Again, the noise lulled and eyes stared at the new arrival – annoyed that he’d chosen now, halfway through the meeting, to appear. Germany took this moment to, yet again, attempt to seize control over the squabbling countries. Italy was clinging to his legs, waving his flag of surrender, Slovakia had Czech held back from attempting to cut France’s hair with scissors (to her it wouldn’t be a successful meeting until she made at least one of the main nation’s cry), England was force-feeding China his “terrible, home-made” scones, and America was happily stuffing his face with hamburgers whilst being heavily judged by the brothers: Iceland and Norway.

“Netherlands! How dare you choose to come to this meeting late?! If you actually spent time working on your relationships with the wider world instead of smoking then maybe your country wouldn’t be so well-known for its red-light district!!”, boomed the angry descendant of Germania.

The country he was addressing merely laughed, blowing out a puff of questionable smoke, before walking round to his seat, as the other countries began sitting back down in their own chairs. He straightened the papers in front of him, so that they were parallel to the edge of the table, before pulling out his pipe and raising a half-scarred eyebrow at the other blonde.

“Honestly Germany, I am perfectly content as I am. I have money and money makes the world go ‘round. If I cared more about pleasing you and these other weirdos then I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now, would I?  I would have the temperament of somewhere like Latvia and the stature of the teeny, tiny Czech Republic!” He said with a smirk, shrugging off his blue and white scarf.

Czech bristled and shot out of her seat again, pointing directly across at Netherlands. “Are you mocking my size, Holland?! I may not be the tallest of countries like the giants over there,” she said jerking her thumb over at the Scandinavian countries of Sweden and Denmark, who were some of the tallest people in the room, “but I sure as hell have a better reputation than you do, you tulip-obsessed asshole! Oh, and your hair is stupid!” She said pointing at the other country’s spiked blonde-do.

The other countries, especially those who’d been highly involved in Czech’s life knew of her insecurities with her height. After her, and Slovakia’s mother – The Kingdom of Bohemia aka Czechoslovakia – had dived their territories for the two of them, and even though her twin brother got less, he still grew taller. For the Dutchman however, he was merely curious to see how far he could push this short country before she truly lashed at him. Netherlands smirked and blew out another puff of smoke, which caused America to jump and hide behind England. The bespectacled country had always had a long-standing fear of the Dutch monster.  

“My hair looks stupid? At least I don’t look like a little child, like that fake country, Sealand!”

From somewhere along the table, a shout of “Oi, take that back you ol’codger!” could be heard, and several of the former Allied countries groaned as Sealand blew his cover (dressed as Prussia, who was no longer even a country anymore – much to the relief of the other nations who struggled to contain the “awesomeness” of the albino) and had to be forcibly removed from the conference room by security.

_Speaking of Prussia, I’m gonna grab his little Canadian tweety-pie and then we’re going drinking. I need it after this shit._

She was shaken from her thoughts, yet again, as Slovakia lunged across the table and began attacking Netherlands – whilst Belgium and Luxembourg, his younger siblings, attempted to pull off the angry country off. Slovakia never properly engaged in physical violence unless it concerned his sister.

Once again, the entire room descended into chaos. France pulled a marriage contract out of nowhere and was attempting to have England sign it, so America threw Romano at him, China had been picked up by Russia and was getting patted on the head, Iceland had lost his puffin, Seychelles was shaking her head and Austria was playing a piano which hadn’t been in the room a moment before.

Again, Germany lost it, exploding all the air from his lungs at the rest of the countries in the room. “ALRIGHT THAT IS ENOUGH! IT IS TIME TO PUT ASIDE OUR PETTY ARGUMENTS UNTIL THE END OF THE MEETING!”

Everyone stopped again, nodded, muttering away to themselves and began reorganising the room. England and America had ended up in a “compromising” position, much to the embarrassment of the older nation, whereas the “hero” was completely oblivious to the blushing face with bushy eyebrows. Denmark grinned brightly as he slipped Norway’s cross-hairpin back into the smaller blonde’s hair, and Finland could be seen stuttering away, shyly, as he handed Sweden back his glasses. China carefully wrapped Russia’s scarf around the giant country’s neck and matched his scarily sweet smile.

Czech shook her head, internally smirking, as her eyes scanned the room. While they may all argue every time they see each other, and while their bosses may not like each other, the nation’s got on very well as people…some more than others. Well…they were “human” after all. This final thought came to her when she saw Germany scoop up Italy, along with a bunch of papers, and carefully place him in the chair next to his own.

_Yeah, there are definitely some people here who like each other more than they’re letting on._

The muscly, blonde country – and no that wasn’t America, Canada, England, France, Sweden, Netherlands, Poland, Latvia, Denmark, Svalbard, Wales, Sealand (because yes he was a country), Switzerland, Norway, Estonia, Finland, Ukraine, Lichtenstein, Greenland or Belarus (who knows, the ladies could’ve been extremely muscular)…there appeared to be a swarm of blonde nations that dominated the room…

The small nation, that was the Czech Republic, was distracted by this thought that she zoned out completely from what Germany (‘cause let’s face it he was the muscly blonde we were talking about) was saying. She only reengaged with what was happening in the room when she felt eyes on her. Her grey eyes drifted and connected with the amber set opposite her. They narrowed as she looked at Netherlands, wondering why the hell he was looking at her…glaring at every aspect of his face – his ridiculous hairstyle, the scar on his forehead, the smirk he was wearing…

The two countries didn’t hate each other, but they certainly weren’t besties. If anything they shared mutual distaste for each other…Netherlands for Czechia’s bohemian pride, and Czech for Netherlands’ obsession with money (which truly rivalled that of Switzerland’s and Austria’s).

Much to everyone’s joy and relief, the meeting managed to progress with no more incidents, and little interruption. The large crowd finished on the note that coffee, tea and various other refreshments were to be brought in. Some countries departed to use the loos, others split off to chat with their friends, and there were some, like Czech, who needed to get out and have a smoke. The short nation wove through the room to find two people.

“Svalbard, fancy a smoke?”

Her third closest friend, (Prussia insisted that, because of his awesomeness and their long awesome history, he was her best friend…which he was, and of course her brother was second), grinned at her and nodded. “Ja, I’ve been gasping for one for ages.” He said, his green eyes sparkling as he looked over her head at her brother. Czech rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the gut, “Stop drooling over Slovakia.” She didn’t give him the chance to reply as she grabbed his sleeve and dragged him through the room, spotting the second person she would ever offer one of her cigarettes.

“England, we’re going for a smoke, joining, ano?”

The bushy-browed country looked down, pausing mid-sip with his cup of tea, before looking around the room. It was common knowledge that England had been a smoker – HAD being the key word, as everyone thought that America has successfully convinced him to stop, but the posh boy loved to have a cigarette every now and then. He would never let America know that though.

“Certainly, America isn’t around, is he?”

“No, he’s stuffing his face at the refreshment trolley. You’re safe, the boyfriend won’t find out.”

This caused England to bristle and his cheeks to flush, muttering “He isn’t my boyfriend”, as the trio walked through the room opposite the conference room to have a smoke on an empty balcony. Undoubtedly Scotland would follow at some point, to have a cigar, but he preferred to socialise as little as possible with his youngest sibling.

 Svalbard pulled out his cigarettes and offered one to England and one to Czech. Enjoying the sensation of the nicotine washing over them, the three nations talked and reminisced…well mainly England did. Svalbard was basically another Prussia, in terms of his status as a country. He was living at Norway’s house and most of his business and done by Norway. Czech did have a rich and long history, but she preferred to embrace the future rather than brood over the past…except when it came to her mother’s bohemian roots.

“That meeting was ridiculous today, America just wanted to talk about his hero idea.”

The two other nations smirked. “Ooooh America this and America that.” Svalbard said, raising his voice in pitch in order to make it sound girly. In his head, this is what the shorter nation sounded like, but England, knowing he didn’t sound like that at all, took offence to it.

“America is so dreamy, so handsome, I wish he would sweep me up like a princess and hold me in his arms forever,” joked Czech, mimicking England’s accent while Svalbard held some of her hair as her eyebrows. She batted her eyelashes mockingly before scoffing and rolling her grey eyes.

England, red-faced, fumed – nearly squashing the cigarette in between his fingers. “I don’t wish any of those things. He’s an idiot and – no Mint Bunny don’t agree with them, you’re supposed to be on my side.” He said, hurt evident in his green eyes, but addressing absolutely no one.

The Slavic blonde looked round at his short friend and raised a concerned eyebrow as England argued with a bunch of invisible figures, who was apparently floating just above his right shoulder. The brunette girl shrugged and mimed drawing a circle round the side of her head, whist whistling out a cloud of smoke. They were both about to express their concern, but were interrupted by a very loud, mouth-stuffed-full-of-bubble-gum, very American voice.

“Hey dudes, what are you doing out h- England! Why are you smoking?! I thought you quit smoking, dude!!”

“Shit” England muttered under his breath, cheeks still red, as America ran over to him and grabbed his shoulders. The young, but remarkably strong, country gave him a shake, concern flashing through his glasses in his blue eyes. This moment of tenderness was missed by the other nation, but not by Svalbard and Czechia.

England could let himself be swallowed by those eyes. He’d loved them when they’d been brothers, when America had doted on him as a child, and he loved them now, the child still alive in them, but it was definitely not brotherly love he felt. The older nation was embarrassed by his feelings, too ashamed to admit them, even though they were painstakingly obvious to every other country…bar America of course.

“You promised me you’d quit!” America whined, dragging England from his thoughts.

“I am quitting! You can’t expect that I can go cold turkey, you moron! I will want to smoke now and then, is that a crime?!” England snapped, wanting to enjoy his cigarette without worrying over his uncontrollable emotions. The two other countries watched the encounter, amused that neither of the gents recognised how the other felt, puffing away on their ciggies.

“Yes! Those things will kill you, old man,” this comment causing England to lose his composure momentarily, “Well, they would if we were human.”

“Well we’re not, so can’t I enjoy my fag without having your nosey arse interrupt me, wanker?!”

“Never!” America cried, grinning and grabbing the roll-up from England’s lips and running off with it. Stunned for a brief second, England then chased after him, yelling and waving his arms in the air. “BASTARD! AMERICA! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT FAG YOU ARSEHOLE! HONESTLY IT’S N-” England’s voice faded as he turned and ran down the corridor after America, whilst Svalbard and Czech both burst into hysterics. The younger country then took one final drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out and turning to his short friend.

“Well I’m off inside, you coming, Czechia?”

“Ne, I’m gonna avoid those losers as long as possible.” Czech said, leaning herself against the balcony and letting out some smoke. Svalbard nodded and walked inside…but she did hear him mutter a quick greeting to someone as he did.

“I forget that you also smoke.”

 _Urgh, it’s Netherlands._ She thought, rolling her eyes and turning to look at him, her face completely unamused. The other nation matched her look, rolling a cigarette – which did not contain tobacco – in his fingers, his pipe now empty and tucked away safe in his coat. She scoffed and pushed herself off the side, turning around fully, and quirking an eyebrow.

“It’s hardly news, dickwad.”

“So creative with your childish nicknames.” He scoffed, lifting his cigarette to pop it in his mouth. His amber eyes never left Czechia’s, and the small nation had to look away to the wall, her cheeks flushing at the intensity of his look.

“Hey, asshole,” He raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement to her, “Why were you staring at me during the meeting? It was really creepy.”

“I was thinking at how much you look like a little kid. Then I though how I like kids.”

“Pervert.”

“Not in that way, Czechia.”

Something in her jumped at the way he said her name…well her country-name. Only the bosses of the countries knew their own and other nations human names.

“Hey, you got a light, short-arse?”

She bristled and scoffed, rolling her eyes. “No, and if I did, I wouldn’t help you.”

“Well, guess I’ll just have to improvise.”

In a flash, she felt a large arm around her waist and her nose against Netherlands’. Their lips would’ve connected, had both of them not had cigarettes in their mouths…and Czech found herself being swallowed by Netherlands’ golden eyes. He stared at her, his stupid blonde hair catching the light as the stub of cigarette lit off her active one: his breath ghosted over her pink cheeks.

_Why the heck is my heart racing?!_

This all happened in a split-second, as before either of them knew it, she’d slapped the tall nation around the face, dropped her fag and bolted for the door. She passed a stunned-looking Scotland, muttering a, “Don’t. Say. Anything.”, before vanishing back inside to the conference room – she could feel amber eyes following her. Behind her, she heard, “I’m no gonnae ask what that was about.”


End file.
